Some of you may not approve, like, appreciate, or agree with this post. But I didn’t make this blog to please others or to dance around my own opinions so as to avoid disagreement. Of course, at the same time, I don’t post these things to aggravate or get others worked up…I am simply expressing my thoughts and ideas, and it is appealing to me as a writer to post such things in a blog form, so as to collect my thoughts and have them more for my own benefit than anyone else’s.
With that said, let’s begin. The topic of this post is marriage.
Marriage is extremely important to me. It is something that I had considered long and hard about. So much goes into marriage, and it is not something to be taken lightly or in the spur of the moment. Of course, to others, marriage is also important, but perhaps does not carry the weight or the same magnitude as it does for me.
So lets get some context and background as to what has influence me on the viewpoint and perception of marriage. I grew up in a family where divorce is not known in my immediate family (thus far at least; God willing, we will never know it). My parents are still married after being married since they took their vows as high school sweethearts. Although they have had to face very troubling times, and have had their own drama and life challenges to overcome, they have remained true to each other through thick and thin, basing the foundation of their marriage on their faith and walk with Jesus Christ. I have four older siblings, all of whom have followed in my parent’s footsteps of choosing carefully, and patiently, their mate and companion for marriage. This environment showed me what true love is, and what it means to have a successful, loving, and ever-committed relationship with another person in marriage.
Aside from that, I of course grew up in the church environment that did not promote divorce, frowning down quite heavily on its use in modern day culture. Now, before you start getting fired up, and saying I am naive and can’t speak for all those terrible situations in which divorce seems to be the most obvious choice and all around best option, just take a deep breathe and hear me out. I realize that divorce is sometimes necessary: such as in abusive relationships, or finding out ones spouse has been unfaithful. Those are very valid reasons to separate and divorce the person you married. But more often than not, I am seeing and observing couples split for reasons such as lack-of-love, lack-of-emotional-connection, continuous and never-ending tension, constant arguments, and so on. Those are NOT grounds for divorce. And here is why…
Marriage is something more sacred than people realize nowadays. It contains so much more spiritual meaning and has greater depth than most realize on a soulish level. First off, when one takes the vow before another person that they are committing their life too, there is a REASON that the lines ‘in sickness and in health’, ‘through good times and the bad times’ are included and said out loud…yet people don’t seem to realize exactly what they’re promising! They LIKE the idea of being strong and committed enough to stay with that person through thick and thin, but in reality, they have no yet disciplined themselves for such a feat, or have not yet faced circumstances that challenged their ability to stay true through the end no matter how bleak and depressing life gets. It seems that people in Western cultures are just not prepared for that…and its because they don’t really know what they’re implying and saying.
Marriage is more than just feeling good with the other person…its about sticking with them EVEN WHEN WE HATE BEING AROUND THEM….read that again. And think about it. In the Bible, God does not say that if we fall out of love, or loose our connection with the other person, that that is tragic and we should be happy and the best way to achieve that happiness is to divorce and find a more suitable partner. No, instead, He makes it explicitly clear that cheating is wrong, divorce is the most absolute last option and ONLY under very specific circumstances. Otherwise…YOU MADE A VOW. People don’t really understand what a vow before God IS.
If people really stopped to think about what it means that God is present during the marriage ceremony and that He is taking very literally what you’re saying when you say ‘till death do us part’, I think they’d either hesitate to marry, or work WAY HARDER than they are now at making the marriage last. Because this is very important to God…this blessed and approved commitment reprsents far more than we realize.
It is a symbol of God’s love for the church/His children. When we marry someone, we are committing to love that person as God loves His church, which is a love that is far beyond just romance, or feelings, or joy, or pleasure. The Bible goes to great, GREAT lengths to show what God’s love for us looks like…and its not what I’m seeing in alot of modern-day marriages. Does God abandon us when we stop expressing love towards Him? Does God leave us when we stop talking to Him, or refuse to listen, or scream at Him everyday about how much life sucks and how we wish He’d make things better? Does God say, “Well, Jesse here hasn’t been treating me right…I mean, I”m GOD, and what right does Jesse have to blame me for anything wrong, or to scream at me that I’m not listening, and yatta yatta yatta! That’s it! I’m through! I’m leaving him because he’s fallen outta love with me, and I want to be with only someone who loves me and is always making me feel good!” I mean, of all people, GOD would have the right to leave us when we don’t treat Him right…HE’S GOD. And yet He still loves us unconditionally, and still remains by our side when we are at are worst, even at our worst TOWARDS Him…
And that is what He has said marriage is supposed to represent. It means that when your spouse, who made you feel all squishy inside at the beginning and made you smile everyday, when they suddenly or slowly become a douche-bag or boring, or seem to be picking fights on purpose, or with whom your struggling to find feelings for again…
you still have to stay with them.
You VOWED before GOD to.
God understands that they arn’t treating you right. God understands that they are making your life hell and that it just doesn’t seem worth it anymore to be with them. But He also promises us that there is nothing in this life that we can’t face when we can Jesus at our side. He promises us that He is working good things for those who love Him and follow Him.
It doesn’t mean the other person is gonna change. It doesn’t mean the marriage will miraculously get fixed. What it does mean is that you will be highly blessed and God will honor your commitment, ESPECIALLY when the commitment is not a fun one. Your faithfulness to your spouse does not go unnoticed by God.
Anyways, this is a really long post, and I’m sure you all think I’m insane, or legalistic, or just plain boring and stupid. But…I”m just very serious about my future marriage someday. I am saying that I am working hard now as a single person to become disciplined and have enough self-control to not leave when things get hard. And although that seems to go against the norm…I’m pretty sure my spouse someday will be thankful that I’m doing this now…and not trying to fix myself later when things are ALREADY tough. I also have committed that once I marry, I am NOT divorcing. I am NOT. And if they divorce me…then that is that. I am not going to remarry. It would not feel right for me before God.
Why does that seem crazy and unrealistic? Cause it seems depressing and stupid. But I value God’s eyes on my life rather than my own happiness or someone elses opinions.
And that is why, my dear readers, that marriage is VERY important to me.
Because it is VERY important to God.