Yea…the blog-title says it all.

And no, Pharisee is not a fancy modern-day title, or something prestigious

Quite the opposite. Its a shameful title if any of you know who I’m referring to. 

For those of you who do not know where I may be going with this, or what a Pharisee is, let me give you a (VERY) brief description. Well, back in the time of Jesus, there were these religious leaders known as the Pharisees. They were in charge of keeping God’s holy law, and making sure others did as well. They were separated from the rest though by keeping the law to the letter, and living a pure and holy life that not many could commit to.  

They seem like the good guys right?

NOPE. At least not by the time Jesus came around. 

There is a whole lot more that goes into that, but my blog is not to give you history on the Pharisee’s. Lol. You can look that up yourself. 

What I WILL tell you in addition to that summary though is that by the time Jesus showed up, the Pharisees had become corupt. How? They had dove into the temptation that surrounds ANY religious leaders: self-righteousness. 

So when Jesus comes along, and tends to do things that (SEEM TO) contradict the law, or challenge them on their philosophy and approach to the law, they saw Him as a low life, a cheat, a liar, a blasphemer, and someone who was to be silenced as he posed as a threat to everything they had devoted their long lives to.

Jesus is famous in the Bible for His relationship to the Pharisees. He does not hesitate to call them out, especially in front of those who might respect them or would be considered ‘beneath’ their laws and religious lifestyles.

In fact, there are several passages in the Gospels that have been collectively  known as the “Woes of the Pharisees”. They are the strong, blunt warnings that Jesus gives them about what condition their hearts are in, and how they have failed God in every way despite the fact they work so hard to keep His law.

As a side note, I find it interesting that though Jesus is known as this loving guy who was gentle, sweet, and unconditionally full of a peaceful (which is ALL TRUE), He still used what many find hard harsh and unethical today: TOUGH LOVE. And He used it on those who many would think would be the last people He would use it on: the religious guys who were trying harder than was humanly possible to keep Jesus’ Father’s Law. Perhaps we can take a cue from this? Perhaps the hard-headed religious leaders of our day need a bit of what Jesus used in such circumstances: tough love?

Anyways, not my point. Lol. What my point is is this: God has been convicting me ALOT lately about how I am in a point in my life where I am very much a Pharisee. I am FULL of self-righteousness, even though I know intellectually that I am a sinner and break God’s law everyday. I am totally aware of that. Yet, when I’m around others who I consider to be doing ‘worse’ sins than I, I act as if I am not so lowly as them, or that I am morally better than them. 

Having meditated on this for several days now, I have come to some conclusions about myself. First off, God has wired me already personality wise to always be striving to upkeep order and the rules. I never break the rules, and if I DO, I always feel justified by some other rule being upheld. Second, I was brought up in a household where I was taught manners, ethics, and morals straight from the Bible and from common sense. Third, I am passionate about my Lord, and I tend to see Him as my King a whole lot more often than I do as my Lover, despite the fact He’s both. 

Now, these in my opinion are all great things. They make up who I am. However, as with all strengths, they can become my greatest weaknesses. If I concentrate on the Law too often, I expect others to do the same…something that is NOT my job to keep track of. And because I often see Jesus as my King (which He IS), but forget that He is also my Lover, my Savior, and the One who had to come and forgive me of my dreadful and disgusting sins, and wash them away so I wouldn’t have to bare this shame, then I tend to see everything as a duty, and expect others to do the same. 

Now, again, don’t get me wrong. I like keeping God’s Laws. For me, it is simply my expression of love and gratitude to my Savior for all He is done for me. I mean, come on, He came and DIED FOR ME. The least I can do in my joy is follow some rules He put up that are there to help me in life, and keep from evil and stuff that would hurt me. BUT, I have to be careful. For those that are like me, and are rule-keepers, self-righteous creeps ever so nearby, in the shadows of our passion for justice and purity in the world. 

So here are “Woes” that Jesus gave the Pharisees, taken from an article on the topic on Wikipedia: 

The seven woes of hypocrisy are:

1. They taught about God but did not love God — they did not enter thekingdom of heaventhemselves, nor did they let others enter. (Matt 23:13-14 )
2. They preached God but converted people to dead religion, thus making thoseconvertstwice as much sons of hell as they themselves were. (Matt 23:15 )
3. They taught that an oath sworn by the temple or altar was not binding, but that if sworn by the gold ornamentation of the temple, or by a sacrificial gift on the altar, itwasbinding. The gold and gifts, however, were not sacred in themselves as the temple and altar were, but derived a measure of lesser sacredness by being connected to the temple or altar. The teachers and Pharisees worshipped at the temple and offered sacrifices at the altar because they knew that the temple and altar were sacred. How then could they deny oath-binding value to what was truly sacred and accord it to objects of trivial and derived sacredness? (Mat 23:16-22 )
4. They taught the law but did not practise some of the most important parts of the law — justice, mercy, faithfulness to God. They obeyed the minutiae of the law such as titheing spices but not the real meat of the law. (Matt 23:23-24 )
5. They presented an appearance of being ‘clean’ (self-restrained, not involved in carnal matters), yet they were dirty inside: they seethed with hidden worldly desires, carnality. They were full ofgreed and self-indulgence. (Matt 23:25-26 )
6. They exhibited themselves as righteous on account of being scrupulous keepers of the law, but were in fact not righteous: their mask of righteousness hid a secret inner world of ungodly thoughts and feelings. They were full of wickedness. They werelike whitewashed tombs, beautiful on the outside, but full of dead men’s bones. (Matt 23:27-28 )
7. They professed a high regard for the dead prophets of old, and claimed that they would never have persecuted and murdered prophets, when in fact they were cut from the same cloth as the persecutors and murderers: they too had murderous blood in their veins. (Matt 23:29-36 )

Now, these are obviously extremes, some of which do not apply to my current state of heart. Like, I am a pretty good guy. I DO care about others, and I am sweet and kind. I’ve learned from Jesus throughout my years so far how through Him, I can be a decent guy. :) But what I’m trying to say in this post is that I have realized a major weakness of mine, and He is addressing it now. 

I think that God gives us all different gifts and different passions. For some of us in the church, we do indeed have a great calling to make sure justice is upheld. Sin is sin, and it must be addressed and countered. I feel like this is a position God has called me to. I yearn for purity and absence of sin in the world. BUT, I must also remember God’s grace towards those who are not yet saved and do not know of His love. If I approach them with the heart of justice all the time, it will be hard for them to even consider God’s love. 

So fellow brothers and sisters, pray for me. Perhaps some of you struggle with this as well. Or maybe you know people who do, and you know how annoying they can be. But just remember its cause we’re human, we’re flawed, and instead of being tempted to living a life of sin in the name of God’s grace like some are tempted with, some of us are tempted to become dead on the inside rather than the out, and to appear righteous and uphold laws but forget of God’s mercy and the fact we are in need of a Savior and someone to cleanse us of our sin just as much as the next guy. 

Okay, so I’ve debated about talking about stuff like this because it may paint me in a certain light that many of you will find…unappealing. It shows a very vulnerable side of me that has often been critisized and frowned upon, so it is with a cringe and a slight hesitation that I dive into this topic. 

Oh well. Lol.

If you have read some of my previous posts, you may know that I am a very contemplative guy. God gave me this need to think long and hard about things that inspire, thought-provoke, scare, or bother me. I turn inward with my thoughts and I delve over them for long period of time. It is my way of sorting out all my thoughts and feelings about a particular thing that has come to my mind. Accompanying this tendency to think of these things though comes to follow-up desire to speak out and voice my conclusions, or the lack of any sort of conclusion. I approach those who may have answers for me, or who I simply want to get their opinion on my conclusion or what they think about personally. I do not keep these feelings and thoughts inside. Otherwise they gnaw at me.

So, keeping this in mind, let me explain how I have trust issues. Already, God has given me this instinct that is naturally suspicious of new things, new challenges, new environments, and new people (even people I love). I know this makes me seem paranoid, but my personality type (INFJ) is actually naturally this way. Of course, I am not naive to believe this is not a dangerous trait for me. If I let it get outta hand, it can LEAD me into paranoia and a poisonous distrust of everyone. I have learned this about myself. I have also learned that it is also a trait that protects me from those who do not have good intentions, or who are NOT trustworthy. I guards me from getting hurt any more than I need to. 

Because of this natural suspicious-approach to the unknown, it is hard to get to the vulnerable parts of my heart. I do not open up to alot of people. I am friendly, happy, and talkative, yes. BUT, that does not mean I trust you. For me to trust you, it is a matter of building it, which means you must earn it and deserve it. If I feel that you have not given me any reason to trust you, then I won’t. I want to see that you ARE worth trusting, and that giving my vulnerable side over to you is not a mistake or unwise choice. Again, I realize I must keep in mind that sometimes this particular trait keeps me from becoming close with those I should, and it can be a huge hindrance if I do not learn to overcome it at times.

Also, as a side note, I see the heart as a multi-leveled castle or fort of sorts. Relationships reach different levels depending on what the relationship is and is based on. For instant, you have your enemies. For the average human, they never get past the front gate/wall, or if you’re extremely guarded, never even REACH your front gate or wall. Then you have your strangers. Strangely, strangers can sometimes make it past the outer wall, but simply because you have not learned if they are potential enemies or not. If they turn out to be, then you fight them back and send them out past the front gate again. If they remain strangers, they stay within that funny place of nebulous chit-chat-talk level of relationship that never have the chance to make an attempt at friendship. Sometimes though, strangers have the privilege of being let past the second defense wall and into the outer courts of the castle. This is a place that has many areas to explore, and it usually takes a lifetime to fully explore this outer court. The outer court is vast, and it is what makes a person what they are. Friends of course must tread carefully with this trusted area of the heart, because it is a privilege that the person has allowed them to enter this sacred ground of the courts. 

Then, there are those who are friends, but turn into something more than that. Chemisty ignites, fireworks break the night sky of lonliness, and romance blossoms. When this happens, a person is allowed past the outer courts and into the inner courts. This is an even more sacred ground, and should at first be tred lightly. Of course, it is there for them to enjoy exploring and is exciting. But this is a place of the heart that not just everyone can see, and it is a very vulnerable part of the person’s heart. Fragile displays and experinces are kept locked away in this court, and should be viewed and handeled with extreme care. This court has two parts to it. The first area is the one I just explained of excitement, but caution. Then, if the relationship is allowed to grow, they are allowed into the some of the most treasured, sought after, coveted parts of the person’s heart. They come to a place where they are able to know the person fully and completely.

Not many ever reach that most inner of the inner courts.

Just past this is the heart of the castle, where only God is allowed. Not even the person who makes up the heart fully knows their whole heart, but it is inside that place that God (hopefully and is supposed to) resides in them, and knows them. It is only his privilege and right to be there. 

So to wrap up those two attributes of myself (long, hard contemplation on the things that fill up my life and mind, and my uneasy approach to trust to new people) and my simple and cliche view of how the heart is layered, here is how it rolls over into my romantic relationships. First I talk to them, and I get to know a person before I even start thinking about dating. I need to know that their life, their morals, their lifestyles, and their spiritual walk are on the same track as mine. If ones lacks something that I consider significant for a relationshp to work, then I won’t let that play out. We might remain friends if we get along well, but they will never know the full extent of my heart and what makes me ME.

I fall for a person, and I love them deeply. I care for them, I think of them often, and they become my priority. Relationships, whether friendship or romantically, are very important to me. So they are on my mind often. 

But when I first start dating…I”m sorry, I don’t trust them right away. They have just stepped into the first layer of the inner courts, and at any moment, if I have chosen unwisely, they could turn out to be an enemy is disguise and lay wreck and havoc to my most sacred and treasured parts of my heart. I am cautious, and I don’t allow them to just wander around without me aptly paying attention and fully aware. In other words, I trust them past the extent of being friends, and well enough to have allowed them to enter this new part of my heart. BUT, they have JUST set foot in there, and although I don’t mind letting them have a bit of freedom there, I still don’t trust them enough to just leave and let them do whatever they want. Why? Because I DON’T know what they would do! I know what they would do in the other places, the outer court and such, because I have OBSERVED what they would do. Therefore I have a pretty good idea of what they MIGHT do in this new court, but I don’t know for sure. It is a new place, full of different experiences and feelings, and there really is no telling what may happen with them there. 

So my point is this: I think it perfectly reasonable and human to not trust someone COMPELTLY when you first start dating them. I surely don’t expect them to trust me compelty, even though I consider myself a trustworthy guy! Just because I’ve proven myself trustworthy throughout my life dosn’t mean that gives me the right to expect their trust to be placed in the hands. Why? Because they did not witness these experinces that made me trustworthy. I have to prove to them that I truely am who people claim I am, and who I claim to be. 

Of course, there is a huge balance to be aware of here. As always, there are two extremes to stay away from. One is to be paranoid and being so non-trusting that you accidently chase them out of the inner court back into the outer, or worse, back out of the castle even. Or, one could be so willing and trusting that they let someone inside their friend or romantic courts, unknowingly letting an enemy in that will later ruin their lives and damage their hearts greatly. 

*takes a breathe from all the blabbing* whew. Anyways, here’s what has been on my mind lately.

I get scared of running people out of my inner court once they’re there. Once I let them in, I am soooooo scared that they will not like what they see, or that in my need to protect and guard my heart, that I will suffocate them, forcing them back out. AT THE SAME TIME, I am soooo scared of getting hurt, and I am not ready to fully trust them, and I have concerns that I beleive need to be addressed before they go into different and certain rooms within the inner court. 

So I am torn. I have these doubts and fears that I want to express to the other person that imply my initial distrust of them, but I am so scared that by doing so, they will think ill of my lack of full trust in them, and chase them off accidently. 

Ever the dilemma. Pray for me as I try to seek wisdom from God about the right timing, the right subjects, and the right choice of words when I do decide to bring up such things (or decide NOT to) with my friends and romantic life. I contemplate these things often, and some of them begin to gnaw at me inside…

probably because I dwell on them a bit too much. 

So today I realized for the tenth-billionth time that I don’t follow the ‘rules’ of dating very well. I tend to resist them if anything. 

For instance, kissing. In our culture today, if you kiss someone after a (first) date, it is seen as a sign that the date was enjoyable that you are indicating interest in the other person, hoping they’ll ask you out on a second date. This is very endearing and cute in movies and tv shows, in books and fantasy stories…but it doesn’t work for me. Why? Because a kiss is very important to me. I don’t just kiss a person that I am ‘interested’ in, or someone I hope will ask me on a second date. I kiss someone because I love them, and because I am solely interested in them. If I kissed everybody I was interested in, or after every first date that went well, it would become nothing more than a handshake, just a formal gesture of welcoming. The only thing is, a kiss is, or at least should be, anything BUT formal. It is a way of expressing love and connection with another person, not just a gushy feeling that comes after someone made me feel good. 

Have I kissed someone after a first date before? Yes. Was it because I loved them? No. Did it lead me into feelings that contradicted my good conscious and lead me into a relationship that if I had avoided physical contact, I would have probably avoided and read into as probably not good for me? Yes.

Now, don’t get me wrong. There have been many couples who have taken this approach, and have worked out…there are also many couples who have taken this approach, and it led to false hopes and hurt feelings, and bad, bad relationships.

My point is that physical intimacy means ALOT TO ME. I don’t hand it out to everyone. If it did, it would become a commodity. Therefore, I save those things for people that are serious about me, and want and love me for me, and nobody else.

Western culture has created this dating frenzy where it is considered ‘appropriate’ or ‘expected’ to kiss on a first date, to cuddle before you’re serious, to spend the night before your committed. People think the system works, because movies and books portray it that it is. But look at all the broken hearts out there…look at all the broken marriages. If those are any indication of how successful this ‘dating’ system works, then we should take notice for sure. 

Whether I’m right about that or not, though, God has wired me this way. I don’t cuddle with someone I’m ‘interested’ in. I cuddle with someone I’m dating, whom I trust enough to hold me and comfort me in my times of need. Just as marriage is symbolic of Christ’s love for us, cuddling for me is symbolic of our relationship: that by allowing myself to be vulnerable with you and be in your arms, and rest by your side, that that means I see our relationship in the same light, emotionally. That we have trusted each other with our hearts. I wouldn’t just trust someone with my heart after a couple dates, or someone I’m just ‘interested’ in. Interesting implies curiosity aroused, not curiosity satisfied. And I won’t trust someone when I’m curious about them. I will trust them when I’m satisfied with what my curiosity leads me to. Therefore, if I can’t trust them yet with my heart, why would I trust them with my body as well?

I know, I KNOW, I belong in a Jane Austen, or Nicholas Sparks book. Fine by me. I’m not going to follow the cultural trend of doing things too ‘quickly’, emotionally OR physically. 

Its just interesting, cause then I come upon people who say they want to ‘take things slow’…but want me to kiss them and cuddle with them! After our first date!!! It seems like a contradiction, or an oxymoron. If you want to take things ‘slow’, then that means we’re not going to cuddle or kiss…not until you’re serious. So don’t tell me you want things slow, and then try to jump ahead to things that don’t match what you said you wanted. Taking things slow implies self control, which is not demonstrated by cuddling and kissing. If you cuddle and kiss me, I’m going to take that as an indication that you’re ready to move on in our relationship, and that you care for me alot more than just ‘interest’ in me. 

And I”m not saying that anyone else is wrong. What I AM saying is that if someone is going to date me, they’re going to have to respect this about me. If I move too fast physically, even with just a simple kiss on the lips, or a cuddle at night, I get attached FAST. So don’t do those things with me unless you WANT ME. 

Deal? 

Good. I think we’re on the same page now :)

Myers Briggs Type Indicator: INFJ

The Myers Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) is a personality questionnaire, in which people respond to 126 questions in order to obtain a type profile about their personality and the behaviors associated with the traits that come with that personality. It is a fairly common personality test, and over 2 million people a year take the test for various reasons (Myers, 2010). The test is affirming in positive, encouraging statements about how one’s generalized perspectives on life are utilized and experienced.

I have taken the test numerous times throughout my educational years. The first time I took the test was in a Leadership class I participated while in high school. I found the class, as well as the test, to be very informing and intellectual concerning one’s goals and dreams in life. At the time, the test helped me focus on who I was as a person when it came to my unique personality and behavior. I remember my teacher at the time warning us though that it was normal for the results to change over time as we grew older and changed into adults. Perhaps for some it did; as for my results, they have stayed consistent to this very day. Since that first evaluation in high school, I have taken the test for simple fun and curiosity. The test is overall encouraging and reveals little of the negative side of what accompanies each personality combination. Although this can boost one’s self-esteem, I have often wondered if it might also be enlightening to perhaps balance it out with a little more insight as to that particular side of things with each test result.

As of 03/03/2012, I am still an INFJ for all intents and purposes. Although I have changed in maturity and responsibility, my generalized personality and the way I perceive life has remained constant and consistent. What can be generally gathered from this personality is the privacy, strong emotions, and introverted lifestyle that an INFJ experiences and enjoys. For myself specifically, I scored 44% Introverted, 38% Intuitive, 38% Feeling, and 56% Judging, leading a test result of being moderately expressed in each of these areas. Interestingly, INFJ’s are rare. According to Dr. David Keirsey and his survey of this personality type, they make up ‘little more than three percent of the population.’ (Keirsey, 1998)

As I read the in-depth description of the INFJ personality by Dr. Keirsey, I found myself in agreement with his assessment. There are some who take these tests and disagree with the outcome, but more often than not the test results reflect somewhat accurately the person who took the test. Personally, I have always found the test to be very accurate when describing my personality and behavior traits. The INFJ is ironically known as the ‘Counselor’ personality according to Keirsey’s perspective.  He mentions the fundamentals that make up the Counselor in his first paragraph, pointing out that Counselor’s deeply care about others and with helping them with their problems, do well with one-on-one interactions when doing so, and sometimes need moments of quiet and solitude to recharge after long periods of socializing.

Dr. Keirsey states, “They (INFJ’s) are highly private people, with an unusually rich, complicated inner life.” I found this statement to be powerfully true in my own life. I tend to keep to myself with my personal matters, even with things that most people would see no reason to keep private. It is interesting to note how Keirsey points out that despite this intense privacy, a Counselor’s inner life is still rich and complicated. He goes on to explain that in everyday life, as well as at their jobs, Counselor’s are very poetic. “Blessed with vivid imaginations, Counselors are often seen as the most poetical of all the types, and in fact they use a lot of poetic imagery in their everyday language.” (Keirsey, 1998) I am very imaginative, and write poetry every week when I am alone and thinking about my experiences of the day. It is my way of venting my pent-up emotions and feelings, and helps me perceive life in more clarity. Keirsey then makes his final statement on how an INFJ is able to read people’s emotions extremely well because of how in-tune they are with their own. “Counselors are highly intuitive and can recognize another’s emotions or intentions…” (Keirsey, 1998) I find this to be true in my own life, although there have been times where I have incorrectly assumed or read another’s intentions or feelings. Nevertheless, in all honesty, I find myself very keen on what other people are feeling, even if they are trying hard to hide it.

I will make a few last statements in agreement with the other two articles that accompanied my test results. In his review of the personality INFJ, Joe Butt stated, “INFTs are champions of the oppressed and downtrodden…INFJs may fantasize about getting revenge on those who victimize the defenseless. The concept of ‘poetic justice’ is appealing to the INFJ.” This struck me hard, as it is very true in my personality that God has given me. My mother and teachers throughout my life have always taken note and stated to me that I have a strong tendency to befriend the outcasts and bullied members of my fellow classmates or peers. I find myself fueled by a sense of justice when I dwell too long on the terrible things done to those who cannot readily defend themselves, even when those that cannot defend themselves may have deserved it or had once been the bullies. No matter whom it may be, if the victim is truly in pain and cannot defend against a merciless attack, I find my heart on fire and my emotions strongly involved.

Butt also went on to state that INFJs are not easily led on, and are usually very suspicious. This is both a strength and a weakness in my life, as this suspicious part of my character leads me to have a hard time trusting those I need to trust. This can be a good defense mechanism that keeps those who would wish to hurt me in relationships at bay. At the same time though, this is one of my biggest obstacles to overcome in a friendship or romantic relationship. Even after I have given my heart to someone, I do not trust them with it, and I am constantly suspicious of their motives, their actions, and the true meaning behind their words. 

In conclusion, I very much agree with the test results for my personality assessment. Although I have not touched on the weaknesses of my character as much as I may have wanted to or should have, I feel that the generalization of being an INFJ has been sufficiently summarized.  I find the Myers Briggs Type Indicator to be fairly, if not very, accurate in his findings on my specific and unique personality.

References

Butt, J. (2010). Idealist portrait of the counselor (INFJ). Retrieved from

http://typelogic.com/infj.html

Keirsey, D. (1998). Idealist portrait of the counselor (INFJ). Retrieved from          

http://keirsey.com/4temps/counselor.aspx

Myers, D. (2010). Psychology (9^th ed.). New York: Worth Publishers

Some of you may not approve, like, appreciate, or agree with this post. But I didn’t make this blog to please others or to dance around my own opinions so as to avoid disagreement. Of course, at the same time, I don’t post these things to aggravate or get others worked up…I am simply expressing my thoughts and ideas, and it is appealing to me as a writer to post such things in a blog form, so as to collect my thoughts and have them more for my own benefit than anyone else’s.

With that said, let’s begin. The topic of this post is marriage.

Marriage is extremely important to me. It is something that I had considered long and hard about. So much goes into marriage, and it is not something to be taken lightly or in the spur of the moment. Of course, to others, marriage is also important, but perhaps does not carry the weight or the same magnitude as it does for me.

So lets get some context and background as to what has influence me on the viewpoint and perception of marriage. I grew up in a family where divorce is not known in my immediate family (thus far at least; God willing, we will never know it). My parents are still married after being married since they took their vows as high school sweethearts. Although they have had to face very troubling times, and have had their own drama and life challenges to overcome, they have remained true to each other through thick and thin, basing the foundation of their marriage on their faith and walk with Jesus Christ. I have four older siblings, all of whom have followed in my parent’s footsteps of choosing carefully, and patiently, their mate and companion for marriage. This environment showed me what true love is, and what it means to have a successful, loving, and ever-committed relationship with another person in marriage.

Aside from that, I of course grew up in the church environment that did not promote divorce, frowning down quite heavily on its use in modern day culture. Now, before you start getting fired up, and saying I am naive and can’t speak for all those terrible situations in which divorce seems to be the most obvious choice and all around best option, just take a deep breathe and hear me out. I realize that divorce is sometimes necessary: such as in abusive relationships, or finding out ones spouse has been unfaithful. Those are very valid reasons to separate and divorce the person you married. But more often than not, I am seeing and observing couples split for reasons such as lack-of-love, lack-of-emotional-connection, continuous and never-ending tension, constant arguments, and so on. Those are NOT grounds for divorce. And here is why…

Marriage is something more sacred than people realize nowadays. It contains so much more spiritual meaning and has greater depth than most realize on a soulish level. First off, when one takes the vow before another person that they are committing their life too, there is a REASON that the lines ‘in sickness and in health’, ‘through good times and the bad times’ are included and said out loud…yet people don’t seem to realize exactly what they’re promising! They LIKE the idea of being strong and committed enough to stay with that person through thick and thin, but in reality, they have no yet disciplined themselves for such a feat, or have not yet faced circumstances that challenged their ability to stay true through the end no matter how bleak and depressing life gets. It seems that people in Western cultures are just not prepared for that…and its because they don’t really know what they’re implying and saying.

Marriage is more than just feeling good with the other person…its about sticking with them EVEN WHEN WE HATE BEING AROUND THEM….read that again. And think about it. In the Bible, God does not say that if we fall out of love, or loose our connection with the other person, that that is tragic and we should be happy and the best way to achieve that happiness is to divorce and find a more suitable partner. No, instead, He makes it explicitly clear that cheating is wrong, divorce is the most absolute last option and ONLY under very specific circumstances. Otherwise…YOU MADE A VOW. People don’t really understand what a vow before God IS. 

If people really stopped to think about what it means that God is present during the marriage ceremony and that He is taking very literally what you’re saying when you say ‘till death do us part’, I think they’d either hesitate to marry, or work WAY HARDER than they are now at making the marriage last. Because this is very important to God…this blessed and approved commitment reprsents far more than we realize.

It is a symbol of God’s love for the church/His children. When we marry someone, we are committing to love that person as God loves His church, which is a love that is far beyond just romance, or feelings, or joy, or pleasure. The Bible goes to great, GREAT lengths to show what God’s love for us looks like…and its not what I’m seeing in alot of modern-day marriages. Does God abandon us when we stop expressing love towards Him? Does God leave us when we stop talking to Him, or refuse to listen, or scream at Him everyday about how much life sucks and how we wish He’d make things better? Does God say, “Well, Jesse here hasn’t been treating me right…I mean, I”m GOD, and what right does Jesse have to blame me for anything wrong, or to scream at me that I’m not listening, and yatta yatta yatta! That’s it! I’m through! I’m leaving him because he’s fallen outta love with me, and I want to be with only someone who loves me and is always making me feel good!” I mean, of all people, GOD would have the right to leave us when we don’t treat Him right…HE’S GOD. And yet He still loves us unconditionally, and still remains by our side when we are at are worst, even at our worst TOWARDS Him…

And that is what He has said marriage is supposed to represent. It means that when your spouse, who made you feel all squishy inside at the beginning and made you smile everyday, when they suddenly or slowly become a douche-bag or boring, or seem to be picking fights on purpose, or with whom your struggling to find feelings for again…

you still have to stay with them.

You VOWED before GOD to. 

God understands that they arn’t treating you right. God understands that they are making your life hell and that it just doesn’t seem worth it anymore to be with them. But He also promises us that there is nothing in this life that we can’t face when we can Jesus at our side. He promises us that He is working good things for those who love Him and follow Him.  

It doesn’t mean the other person is gonna change. It doesn’t mean the marriage will miraculously get fixed. What it does mean is that you will be highly blessed and God will honor your commitment, ESPECIALLY when the commitment is not a fun one. Your faithfulness to your spouse does not go unnoticed by God. 

Anyways, this is a really long post, and I’m sure you all think I’m insane, or legalistic, or just plain boring and stupid. But…I”m just very serious about my future marriage someday. I am saying that I am working hard now as a single person to become disciplined and have enough self-control to not leave when things get hard. And although that seems to go against the norm…I’m pretty sure my spouse someday will be thankful that I’m doing this now…and not trying to fix myself later when things are ALREADY tough. I also have committed that once I marry, I am NOT divorcing. I am NOT. And if they divorce me…then that is that. I am not going to remarry. It would not feel right for me before God. 

Why does that seem crazy and unrealistic? Cause it seems depressing and stupid. But I value God’s eyes on my life rather than my own happiness or someone elses opinions. 

And that is why, my dear readers, that marriage is VERY important to me. 

Because it is VERY important to God. 

Does anybody ever wonder about the End Times anymore? And no, I don’t mean like watching The Day After Tomorrow, or 2012 (the movie). I mean about the times spoken of in Revelation, the last book of the Bible. Does anybody ever think or meditate on that? 

Understandably, it is hard to read that book and not come away either extremely stressed or worried, or extremely confused and skeptical…perhaps even a mixture of both. Revelation is a book of metaphors, analogies, prophecy, and visions. It is a book that is impossible to decipher successfully because God has not yet revealed what the entire book means. Some take it literally, which leads to skepticism by those who do not believe such things as dragons, angels, curses, the stars falling, or heavenly plagues to be real. Others take it all as metaphorical symbolism, meaning that what is said in the book is not meant to be literal, but instead has a second, more philosophical meaning. 

In other words, it is like no other book in the Bible. It is full of mystery, suspense, visions of angels with damning scrolls and demons that scour the earth and end mankind. 

Now, this blog post is not going to be me trying to decipher this amazing, fantastical book. Rather, I am going to take the time to explain why this book is extremely relevant to Christians, and how I wish to make you more aware and focused on what it contains. So although my following thoughts won’t further state the word “Revelation” in them because I will paraphrasing from what I have learned from the book, my thoughts originate with that book in mind. 

Before I dive in though, I will mention here that many are in debate and disagreement on whether the End Times are upon us, are coming soon, are in the far distant future, or a few select believe that they have already passed (the latter which I strongly believe to be false and inaccurate). With the exception of the latter belief, I see these other distinct conclusions to be non-absolute, as no one has the answer to the true timing of the End Times. I personally believe that they are in the near future…not quite upon us, but approaching more quickly than I think people are aware of. Why I mention this is because I believe, regardless of what you might conclude about when the End Times might be coming, it is still important to prepare for them, and to always have them in mind. Although it is important, and often said, that living in the present is important, and even Scripture supports the absence of worrying about tomorrow, it is still vital to meditate and be prepared/preparing (which are completely different from worrying) about the times spoke of in Revelation. 

One more thing worth mentioning is the the debate about the Tribulation times, and whether or not Christians will be present on earth for such times. It is a never ending debate, with both sides having very valid arguments and points. My position on that is this: would you not rather be prepared for the worst, rather than hoping for the best (that God will take us into heaven before the Tribulation times)? Because if one is right about God taking us before then, then those of us who have prepared for those hard times have lost our time, but not our foundation. Instead, for those who are hoping to be spared such trialing times, if they are wrong, they will be in for a long, hard road when they are faced with the realization that they have to go through all that. 

So now to my main point, which ironically will be shorter than all the introduction to it. It is important for the Christian to prepare spiritually for these coming times… especially those who have been polarized in western culture (which includes myself). We are used to a world of comfort, of lack of life and death trials, and have never had to face the decision to deny Christ and live, or die. Yet, these End Times will produce such dire circumstances, and if we have not already committed in our heads and hearts what we will do when such a situation arises, then our foundation will crumble like the man who built his house upon the sand. 

People loose perspective. They get caught up in what this world has to offer them, or tempt them with. They forget the bigger picture: that they have a King to serve, Who is coming back one day, but it will be too late in the moment to figure out how to respond to Satan’s attacks and minions when they threaten ones life. Such a decision must be made before hand, and it must be something a Christian is prepared to make EVERY DAY. 

My advice and counsel is this: be prepared. Christ commands that of us. He warns that those who are not ready will loose their faith and crumble under overwhelming opposition unlike anything western culture civilizations have had to overcome in a personal face-to-face confrontation. The End Times will require much of the current-day living Christians. My question now to you is this: If these events in Revelation started happening tomorrow…would you be ready?

Are you prepared to follow Christ unto death?

A sobering thought, but if you can say yes to that question, then you will have made more rewards in heaven then anything in this life can possible come close to. 

Talk to God about this my friends. It will not be a waste of your time in the present. 

What makes me ME? What makes me like everyone else, yet distinguishes me as different as my own person? What are the little parts that make up my soul? What of my past has made me the me of today, and what in the present is going to become part of that past tomorrow?

I love the autumn time. The leaves decide to put on a parade of colors and take joy in their last moments thriving with life. The weather decides to show mercy and gives us a comfortable temperature of cool breezes, a warm sun, and avoidance of freezing or burning days. The bugs are obliterated or decide to disappear to their version of hell for the remainder of the year (….I hate bugs…..except butterflies). And I can wear sweatshirts, long sleeve shirts, jeans, and fedora hats, and feel sexy. 

The sea has called my name many times. When I walk on top of the sandy shores, and listen to the waves lap the ground, and the seagulls are lost in their own world, I wonder about my future, I wonder about my life, and I wonder about God. I listen to a deeper silence that becomes a Voice, and I hear unspoken things spoken by He who was before the silence existed. 

I enjoy theater, even though I have done very little of it. I like pretending to be someone else, to become a different person with a different past, a different future, different reactions than I share.

Music is very important to me. My soul follows its rhythm, and my emotions sing along. My soul intertwines with the instruments and the words being spoken, and the story being told. My favorite artists are Taylor Swift because she writes about her relationships and is honest, Owl City because he knows what it means to write abstract poetry, The Fray because they are Christians who tell it how it is when it comes to life and how hard it can get. Other favorites are Brendan James, Mat Kearney, Peter Bradley Adams, Kris Allen, Imogen Heap, Kelly Clarkson, David Gray, Red, and Colbie Caillait. 

I crave for honesty and truth. I hate hiding secrets, and hate when people hide things from me. I even cringe at white lies…I would rather you be honest with me. Of course, I don’t like bluntness, because there are gentler ways of being honest. But truth is important to me, as it is hard for me to trust others fully. Lies are one of the few fears I have in life. They scare me.

I am an introvert. I love people though, and I thrive off social interaction. But if I am put in a group of three or more, I become quiet, very self-conscious, and can be easily overwhelmed. I rather enjoy one on one interaction, and when I make friends, I am extremely loyal and open with them. Some people think I am an extrovert because I can get very talkative, but that is because they haven’t seen me in a large group or around alot of strangers. 

I love books…although I don’t read as much as I used to, I still love them. I am at home at Barnes and Noble. I love the coffee smell, and I also like to smell book pages (that’s not weird right?….RIGHT???) My favorites are fantasy fiction. Favorite books and series are The Wheel of Time Series, The Lord of the Rings Trilogy, any book by Nicholas Sparks, Jurassic Park, The Lost World, The Hunger Games, and The Kingkiller Chronicles. 

I am very morally driven, and I believe in right or wrong. I am a Christian, and my walk with Jesus Christ is the most important thing to me in life. I grew up in a large family, and all my immediate family members are Christians. My parents taught me what faith, commitment, and the meaning of life are. 

I am also gay. But I am not your typical gay man. I do not go clubbing, I am not promiscuous, I do not party, and I believe in treating a man honorably, and not like a thing to objectify. 

I care about people, especially those who have had to face the more tragic things in life. God has blessed with me a relatively easy life, and sometimes it is hard for me to imagine the horrors of this life. But my heart goes out to those who have to live with that in their life, so I feel I have been called to the ministry of counseling. I hope to help point other to the ultimate Comforter and Counselor, Jesus Christ. 

So these things are small things that make me up. There are many other things, but these are the forefront of my mind, and they play large roles in my life. I hope that my vulnerability has started a relationship of trust and openness. On this blog, you will find the inner thoughts of a young man who is trying to stumble along in this life, all the while holding the hand of his Lord, Who has gone before me, and knows the ME in me better than I do